Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
