how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
birth control should be required to get into college
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
