I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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