those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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