At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
