I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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