I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
