well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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