i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
