yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
