If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
