the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
