I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
