Quick, to the slutcave!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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