Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
