you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
