Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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