Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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