That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize