I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
