How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think your dad took our porno
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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