Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
