a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
