where am i from again
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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