Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize