thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
