he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize