Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize