You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize