Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You left your phone here
Wait...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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