They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
