I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He felt like a one man threesome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
