She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
