i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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