this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
