I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
