Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
