I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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