I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
