You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
