I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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