i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize