Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
