it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You can't motorboat a personality
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize