Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
