exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
