I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
