Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
