I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sext me about skeletons
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
