I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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