Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would ride that face into the sunset
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
