how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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