Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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