I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
