Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ugly people sure do ruin things
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize