He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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