I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't put those talents on a resume
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The air taste purple.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
