no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
