The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
