if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
