Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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