I wish i was in the wii world.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize