u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
