drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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