so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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