dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
