do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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